Lust Management

Have you been trying to manage your lust for a while now?  Waging war on it, reading and memorizing scripture, finding accountability partners, praying and fasting to keep it away, “Bouncing your eyes” from people you find attractive, putting software on your phone or computer?  How has this been working for you? If you’re anything like me, probably not very well, I tried all of them and more for 20+ years.  Many of these tactics can be productive for a while, but long term they’re not effective in finding freedom from our addictions.

The message from many of our churches tell us these are the things that will fix us, make us pure.  Based on the sexual corruption we see in the church today, it’s not working.  Surveys show that 57% of pastors and 64% of youth pastors, currently or in the past struggle with pornography.  The latest numbers from Barna Group in connection with Pure Desires Ministries reports 75 % of Christian men and 40% of Christian women report using porn on some level.

Another prevailing message from our world is shame management; nothing is wrong, explore all of your thirsts, quench them, nothing is off limits, it’s chaos, out of control, it’s not working either.

So what do we do about this?  We need to make meaning out of your sexual lives.  This concept Is what Jay Stringer’s book UNWANTED is all about.  It is, by far, one of the most valuable resources I discovered in my journey of recovery.  In his book he addresses how our unwanted sexual behavior is not random, it is a direct reflection of the parts of our story that remain unaddressed. Our sexual brokenness can be a road map to our healing, not a lifelong sentence to sexual shame or addiction.  We need to develop Christian communities that nurture an openness to our stories of sexual brokenness and struggles.

Bring Meaning to your sexual story.

Sort through your family of origin; What shaped you and molded you? What parts of your story left you longing? What voids were formed that you are trying to fill with your addictions?  Where do you come from? 

Sort through what keeps you in your addictions; Deprivation, Dissociation, Fantasies and Sexual Arousal, Futility / Lack of Purpose, Resignation, Perversion, Degradation, Shame.  What do these things tell you about yourself?

Sort through what your new sexual story looks like; Transformation, Restoration, Integrity, Boundaries, Healing Relationships, Invest in Community, Developing and sharing your new story.  Where are you going?

This is a small list of some of the concepts to investigate in your journey, Questions to answer for yourself.  Do you fear freedom from your addictions, Or do you want it enough to do the hard work?